So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
