what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
