Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
