Your dad touched me again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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