I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
