There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
