FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
