Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
