ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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