I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
