Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
