Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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