if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
