im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.