i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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