So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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