the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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