Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
