Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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