i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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