if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
