the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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