I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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