Swine flu. Run for my life!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
