He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
