she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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