Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
