i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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