The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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