y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
