I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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