I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do herpes really smell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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