We named our party play list daddy issues
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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