she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
