No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
