It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is my gift to your gina
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
