How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
