you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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