WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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