How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
