do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
