I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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