am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
