Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
