Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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