I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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