nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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