i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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