She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
