the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
