my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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