She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
