My first STD was from a foam party
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
