he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
