The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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