Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
