Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
