Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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