you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
