She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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