I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
