Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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