I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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