I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
