I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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