I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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