Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
