Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's the barista slut.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
